First off, I would like to apologize for the gravest of sins. For starters, I have not been posting on the monthly basis which I had fallen into. Last I checked, I posted on 19 July...two whole freaking months from sometime this week. Wow...what an arse I have been...what an unthoughtful idiot I have been to those that on occasion check out my blog and read the insane or sane (that is rather up to you to decide) rumblings of a young man.
Secondly, I would like to welcome you to my rumbling for the month, day, week...whatever you would like to think of. I know that it takes time to read something on the internet and for you to go beyond this point is really touching (I am not being sarcastic for you damn pessimists). I am being totally honest man.
In my writing career, young as it may seem, I have discovered that it takes more than a few blows below the belt to jolt you into action. I have been writing since I can remember...some of my first stories had knights in golden armor called Samuel...who were kings of Fantasy realms, others had Phillip Connor, the boy wizard I thought Harry should have been at my tender age of 10 (sorry Ms. Rowling, your writing affected us youngsters so), a few had vampires and werewolves tearing themselves apart (I am not ashamed to say I started reading Anne Rice at 11). Trust me I read a lot and wrote a lot.
But as I have become older and less picky on my reading material, I have realized that most heroes in the great books are afraid of something. How the fuck else do you become great? You must fear to lose something...maybe even someone...for you to find great strength. It is easy to turn that unusual fear of what might be into a strength.
Let me use a few characters in some of my favorite fantasy works, now and then. King Arthur was afraid of letting down his honor and heritage, hence the great myth or fact that is one of the most notable scions of chivalry (even in this world if today where it is seemingly dead). Aragorn, King Elessar Telecontar of the reunited kingdoms of Arnor and Gondor, was afraid of failing his people. He was afraid of losing his queen to be, Evenstar and most of all he was afraid of his friends failing to destroy the one ring (my precious).
But the obscure ranger from the north picked up the shards of Narsil reforged in Anduril and led the west into battle in hope of his friend Frodo succeeding. We all know he found the strength and became the first king of the reunited realms.
Another hero, many might disagree (A Song of Ice and Fire fans that is), the kingslayer, Jamie Lannister, found strength in his fear of what people really thought of him. In my understanding the queen's lover was frightened to the point that he actually took a beating every day from a silent man to become a better swords man and in all a better man. Some might say the fear and lingering feeling of attraction to Brienne of Tarth caused that but it was all fear.
Let me use someone I am familiar with as I created him, Aravoen Elurin. He is the last with the true royal blood of the Easel and he spends a lot of time hiding. True, he knows that he might have a destiny greater than any but he is afraid to embrace it. He is afraid to fail, after-all, his forefathers remained hidden princes. They could have become great lords like him. Somehow he finds strength in the fear of failing to take up a task many would dim stupid and suicidal but he does take it up.
What I am trying to say is; We are all afraid. We are all allowed that one moment of cowering in our panties and shit...but we are all given the right to let that fear drive us. No great man was never afraid. Just look at the greats...take your pick...some did not believe in the fear or so they told us but I am sure when defeat and potential failure stares you straight in the face, there is no way you will not be quivering.
It is up to you to take that first quivering step and you will find that you are happy that you did. Fear makes you great because it does give you great strength.
Take what you can from my post, but use it well today tomorrow or even next year, but listen.
As usual, I will leave with this little wandering. Mind you it is not connected to the above written (non)sense. Before I forget, kindly berate this poem:
It claims my heart without asking,
But I give it free,
No pain, no pity and no longing.
But still the whisper is free.
It knows nothing of the wings;
the wings of lost and untamed fires,
For it claims without asking.
Thank you as always...and I owe you one whoever you are,
Samuel S. B. (The boy that uses his fear to chase his dreams to the end)