The Value of Life

It has been ages since I pestered you with my rumblings. There is no excuse for leaving you to fester and even possibly forget about me. But in three simple words...I AM SORRY. But nonetheless thank you for daring to look into the mind that is fragile and wondering.

Life. It is something that we all take for granted. It is something that we all seem to not care about. Every morning you see people drag themselves from their beds out into the world to do whatever it is that they do. You see them trying to mask their anger at life with simple smiles and phrases. (Keep in mind what the late robin Williams said about a smile being a mask)

Anyway, just this ugly Wednesday morning I found myself on the highway, driving to work. It was still dark and the sun was yet to come out, but I can tell you it felt like all of us were in a Need for Speed game. So while overtaking a line of five cars, I saw a puppy up ahead. And yes I tried to slow down to avoid it, but it was just my luck. I could not dodge the little innocent creature.

The moment my car went bump and I realised what I had just done, my heart clenched and a feeling of dread and sorrow washed over me. I can tell you for a fact that I actually slowed down as I felt angry with myself. I felt like a worthless person. I wished I could change time. I wished I could have waited to overtake the other cars, but alas! I could not. Even up to now, I am feeling remorseful.

You might be thinking it is only a puppy. But yes a puppy is a creature whose life is barely beginning. It is a little creature whose worth was yet to be defined, but its worth was clearly defined to me. By the time I feel so down on myself, just know that the creature is worth more than even gold.

So that brings up the point of soldiers and killers. How the hell do they do it? How in the world do they just aim shoot and kill without batting an eyelid. Is that even possible? Maybe, I am just a simple civilian but I want to know. Do they suffer with the dread and remorse that I am suffering from? Do they even wish they could go back and change it? How the hell do they handle the anguish of taking life away?

So this is my eulogy to that puppy. This is my plea; my apology to its soul up there in the heavens. This is me wishing that I had not taken its life because every life is valuable. Every single life on this earth is valuable until it proves not to be.

And to you people that think otherwise, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Until I see you next time, I remain the dream chaser.

What The Hell is it Today?

Hello people of the world. It has been long since I last checked in to bother you lot with my mindless chatter of the world. To those that are angry, I am really sorry. To those that are pleasantly surprised, please come again and to all of you, I beg to ask a question;

What is sex? Virgin or not you have an answer somewhere in your mind about sex.

Sex is whether you are a man or a woman. That is what my grandmother would love to believe. You see, I know that my grandmother is from the generation where making love/coitus was a thing between man and woman who were actually wedded. To them, if you were asked what is sex? It simply meant are you a man are you a woman. That I believe is what jaja’s generation was told by their teachers.

But who am I kidding. Sex has always been sex. In the eyes of the old people, ancients long past and immoral tads that roam the world today, sex is just sex. But of course there are some romantics such as myself (or so I would like to think on occasion) that believe it should be an act between two willing and consenting adults with more of a connection other than spending a night together doing nothing but drinking in some bar either for pity’s sake or for celebration (take your pick if you have been somewhere in there before).

Before I go very far, let me tell you all that in my eyes, the world of today has ruined sex beyond recognition. I mean in the past, boys could not wait to become men just so as to get married and make endless love (sex) to their wife. In some cases they could sharpen their skills in the brothels of their towns, villages and cities. It was a thing that you looked forward to.

As for the women, it was the path to womanhood. True, most were tender innocent infants the first time, but they too were curious about it (Disclaimer here, I am a son of the 90’s so this is an assumption.). On that rare occasion they would go for the forbidden with the castle hand, kitchen boy, herd’s man or some other fellow in there. Sex was sacred. It was something you really longed for, not because it was everywhere, but because you were just growing up.

But hey…thanks to the media of today and over liberalization of the world (thank you bloody land of the free), sex is blown out of proportion. There is too much sex round the youngsters of the world. Everywhere you look is screaming sex. The billboards, the tabloids, the role models such as those shits that call themselves celebrities (Uganda’s case Juliana K…); sex is out there. It is like they are screaming at us that sex is here to stay. Well God created man and woman for the purpose of sex (no offence it just is). But the fucking world is building castles in the skies about the entire act. The world needs to get the dyke back up and stop being a wanton sex advert every now and then.

Kids go into the stupid decision of having sex and their dreams are shattered. The illusion that it is a really awesome thing is smashed into smithereens. People sex is not all that the world is making it out to be. Nine times out of ten there is no special bond or connection when it comes to it, hence a crap load of lousy.

In truth I envy the virgins. Honestly, there is nothing that you are missing. I would tell you to wait until that moment when it feels right and you are sure that arse you’re letting bang you (women) or that minx you are going to screw (men) is the one you are going to be with and continue to work on making the shattered dream into a reassembled piece of art with very many crack lines.

Sex has turned into something wrong and we need to work on it but that is not my role. That is up to the world. We need to stand up and say enough is enough. It is like each coming generation is worse than the one before and this has to stop. We need to find the old ways and insert them in the new world. Just my thought…  

If I have offended anyone, it was not my intention. I am sorry. Until the next time, I remain your dream chasing four-eyed young chap…

The Great Strength in Fear

Hello,

Hi,

First off, I would like to apologize for the gravest of sins. For starters, I have not been posting on the monthly basis which I had fallen into. Last I checked, I posted on 19 July...two whole freaking months from sometime this week. Wow...what an arse I have been...what an unthoughtful idiot I have been to those that on occasion check out my blog and read the insane or sane (that is rather up to you to decide) rumblings of a young man.

Secondly, I would like to welcome you to my rumbling for the month, day, week...whatever you would like to think of. I know that it takes time to read something on the internet and for you to go beyond this point is really touching (I am not being sarcastic for you damn pessimists). I am being totally honest man.

And now.....

In my writing career, young as it may seem, I have discovered that it takes more than a few blows below the belt to jolt you into action. I have been writing since I can remember...some of my first stories had knights in golden armor called Samuel...who were kings of Fantasy realms, others had Phillip Connor, the boy wizard I thought Harry should have been at my tender age of 10 (sorry Ms. Rowling, your writing affected us youngsters so), a few had vampires and werewolves tearing themselves apart (I am not ashamed to say I started reading Anne Rice at 11). Trust me I read a lot and wrote a lot.

But as I have become older and less picky on my reading material, I have realized that most heroes in the great books are afraid of something. How the fuck else do you become great? You must fear to lose something...maybe even someone...for you to find great strength. It is easy to turn that unusual fear of what might be into a strength.

Let me use a few characters in some of my favorite fantasy works, now and then. King Arthur was afraid of letting down his honor and heritage, hence the great myth or fact that is one of the most notable scions of chivalry (even in this world if today where it is seemingly dead). Aragorn, King Elessar Telecontar of the reunited kingdoms of Arnor and Gondor, was afraid of failing his people. He was afraid of losing his queen to be, Evenstar and most of all he was afraid of his friends failing to destroy the one ring (my precious).

But the obscure ranger from the north picked up the shards of Narsil reforged in Anduril and led the west into battle in hope of his friend Frodo succeeding. We all know he found the strength and became the first king of the reunited realms.

Another hero, many might disagree (A Song of Ice and Fire fans that is), the kingslayer, Jamie Lannister, found strength in his fear of what people really thought of him. In my understanding the queen's lover was frightened to the point that he actually took a beating every day from a silent man to become a better swords man and in all a better man. Some might say the fear and lingering feeling of attraction to Brienne of Tarth caused that but it was all fear.

Let me use someone I am familiar with as I created him, Aravoen Elurin. He is the last with the true royal blood of the Easel and he spends a lot of time hiding. True, he knows that he might have a destiny greater than any but he is afraid to embrace it. He is afraid to fail, after-all, his forefathers remained hidden princes. They could have become great lords like him. Somehow he finds strength in the fear of failing to take up a task many would dim stupid and suicidal but he does take it up.

What I am trying to say is; We are all afraid. We are all allowed that one moment of cowering in our panties and shit...but we are all given the right to let that fear drive us. No great man was never afraid. Just look at the greats...take your pick...some did not believe in the fear or so they told us but I am sure when defeat and potential failure stares you straight in the face, there is no way you will not be quivering.

It is up to you to take that first quivering step and you will find that you are happy that you did. Fear makes you great because it does give you great strength.

Take what you can from my post, but use it well today tomorrow or even next year, but listen.

As usual, I will leave with this little wandering. Mind you it is not connected to the above written (non)sense. Before I forget, kindly berate this poem:

It claims my heart without asking,
But I give it free,
No pain, no pity and no longing.
But still the whisper is free.
It knows nothing of the wings;
the wings of lost and untamed fires,
For it claims without asking.

Thank you as always...and I owe you one whoever you are,

Samuel S. B. (The boy that uses his fear to chase his dreams to the end)

The True Meaning of Racism

Good morning, good evening, good...whatever it is. I hope life is going on brilliantly for all of you...I hope life is not as trashy as it should be.

Today, I am tempted to touch a very sensitive matter and right now it is touch and go because the fact is Trayvon Martin was a victim of the system and the prosecution team's inadequacy. It clearly resembles the O. J. Simpson matter as regards the arguments of the prosecution team.

However, despite all of this, I want to ask what is racism? Someone says it is based on hierarchy. Another says you have to bring in slavery. But let us be objective; start with the meaning. Racism is hostile or oppressive behavior towards 'people' because they belong to a different race. Key word being people. I think the number of races in the world is more than the two we are so keen to identify. The races are not black or white. They are more than that...5 if my research is right and these are; Mongoloid (Asian and American Indian), Caucasoid (European), Australoid (Australian and oceanic), Negroid (east African black), Capoid (south African black). I wonder where the black and white distinction came in.

As regards slavery, the African chiefs at times willingly participated in it for exchange of goods. True the Arabs raided the interior from time to time but if we really wanted, we could have beaten the shit out of those arses and sent them back to the coast. We cowered away and let them take us.  Now that right there is what I would call one race attacking another. And to be fair the arabs had exhausted themselves as a source of slaves to trade they expanded. It was not right but they did.

Sorry, it seems I am going off topic but anyway to the point. I doubt that it is fair for me a lad straight from Africa to say something degrading against a white man. I believe that is racist but according to some of the people I have discussed this with, it is not because, the white man is apparently in a place above me on the hierarchy. Seriously people, seriously...how can that not be racist.

I think it is us being hypocritical. Racism should not be about the white looking down on the black. What of the blacks who slur at the whites? What of people saying crap to a white man because of his skin? This doesn't make sense.

I am sure there are many examples of racism in the reverse. True, the black are the most affected, true we are the ones that cry out loudest against it but does it mean we should also partake in it. My argument might be weak but at least I hope there is some sense in it, deep down. There should be some high ground that we should all adhere to.

Racism is not about hierarchy it is about the people. If an Indian slams on the African, if an African shits on the Caucasian, if the Caucasian pisses on the face of the Afro-Arab...all that is racism. It is not about the white vs black. It is about the people. Racism should be what it is defined as in the dictionary not what we feel it should be because if it is what we think it should be (white vs black and vice versa) then we are being hypocrites. Every fucking soul deserves respect...right from the Mongoloid to the Negroid...

Just so you know, I am not defending the white systems. I am an African really bothered by the whole African and African-American view of racism. I am just being objective...if you've noticed what I have just said sounds racist.I do not believe that I am entitled to say something offensive to another person because my skin tone puts me far down the hierarchical ladder. It is racism through out and we should not take it for granted...just because of social conventions.

No poems for today...this is a very sensitive matter to all of us.

My skin is my skin,
but my heart is not my skin,
my mind was molded out of my wit,
be I black, be I white, be I brown,
I am more than what you see,
I am a person...

Until the next time, I remain your carefree dream chaser...

Keep chasing you dreams and avoid the hypocrisy that is our world as best you can....

Leaving the Past

Hello,

It is that time of the month once again. I know I am going to irritate many; maybe bore a few but all the same, I have something nagging me. It is seated right there, promising to tear my unusually soft head.

Anyway, there are a lot of things that we as humans enjoy to do. For starters, everyone likes to have that moment where they think of the past (that everyone includes me). It is not wrong so long as you do it objectively and not emotionally.

Objectively would mean simply taking whatever lessons there are in the past and using them now to make sure your go for whatever it is that you are chasing. You do not have to look at the past with longing and wishing you could change. there is no good that will come over it save for say, running back into the arms of that neurotic bitch that smacked you right in the face or that piss brained fool who took a shit on your pride. It could even go as far as giving that thieving moron a second chance. When you do that, you are being quite emotional in your temporary trip down memory lane.

This is a poem I stole from my aunt but it works....
Learn from it...
Leaving the City of Regret
===========================

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I
found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be
unpleasant, and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it.
I'm talking about my annual "Guilt Trip."

I got tickets to fly there on Wish I Had airlines.
It was an extremely short flight.

I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself
all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what
might have been.

No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City
International Airport. I say international because people from all
over the world come to this dismal town.

As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be
hosting the year's most important event, the Annual Pity Party. I
wasn't going to miss that great social occasion.
Many of the town's leading citizens would be there.

First, there would be the Done family, you know, Should Have, Would
Have and Could Have.

Then came the I Had family.
You probably know ol' Wish and his clan.

Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost.

The biggest family would be the Yesterday's. There are far too many of
them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share.

Then Shattered Dreams would surely make an appearance. And It's Their
Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had
failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don't
Blame Me and I Couldn't Help It.

Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party
knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so.
And, as usual, I became very depressed.

But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back
from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent
"pity party" could be cancelled by ME!

I started to truly realize that I did not have to be there.
I didn't have to be depressed. One thing kept going through my mind, I
CAN'T CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT I DO HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE TODAY A
WONDERFUL DAY.

I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging.
Knowing this, I left the City of Regret immediately and left no
forwarding address.

Am I sorry for mistakes I've made in the past? YES!
But there is no physical way to undo them.

So, if you're planning a trip back to the City of Regret, please
cancel all your reservations now.

Instead, take a trip to a place called, Starting Again. I liked it so
much that I have now taken up permanent residence there.

My neighbors, the I Forgive Myselfs and the New Starts are so very
helpful. By the way, you don't have to carry around heavy baggage
because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival.

God bless you in finding this great town. If you can find it, it's in
your own heart.

Please look me up. I live on I Can Do It street.

~by Larry Harp~

The Balance

Hello, good morning, good afternoon and good evening...

I understand that there are different time zones. The human soul is just like these time zones. There is the dark part, the light part and the worst of them all...the grey part. We are all human beings and understanding this balance is the key to our existence.

There has been a common saying that has started cropping up. 'Evil is a point of view.' You must realize for writers this is a very sensible statement. I believe that it applies to our every day world. As far as I know there is no one in this world that does not believe in anything that they are doing. A terrorist believes he is righting a wrong, a soldier believes he is fighting for his country and the biggest thing to go with all this; they all pray apart from the atheist.

This should mean one small thing to everyone. There is a darkness in all of us just like there is a light in all of us. Sometimes, we must come to terms with this. It is the only way that we shall happily get along in life. In the earlier parts of this small musing, I mentioned the grey part; the sad grey part. I call it sad because no one wants to find it. a given few in the world find the balance between the darkness and light.

Baldwin, the leper of Jerusalem was one of these people. He knew that he had limited time on this earth but he did his best, much to the detriment of relations with some members of his court, he managed a fragile peace with one of the best Muslim leaders I have read about, Saladin, and if it was not for the madness that was the court of Jerusalem, I believe that that Jerusalem would have remained christian for a few more years.

Therein lies the big question. We all have the dark side willing to do anything, even consort and bed the enemy, and the light side, with all our morals and values. These two sides should be in balance. That balance is the one thing that all great people manage to grasp. Be dark but be light. Do the right thing but never be afraid to cross over to the dark side. Stand for your morals but try and understand those that go against them.

As usual, here is the small tidbit;

Time is a river,
It flows and splashes,
It never gives up its course.
Man is the small drop that flows in time,
He is hot and cold,
He moves swiftly and lazes,
He is dark and ruthless,
but can be calm and understanding.
He is the river that has a thousand faces along its course.

Just maybe, we will have peace....With those grand words I will leave you with the words of a once great marshall of the Kingdom of Jerusalem said. These words show the truth about being a grey human. 'I would rather live with a man than kill them.'

Until next time...stay true to yourself, chase your dream and let all parts of you come out; the good and bad.

Potestas tenebrarum et lucis iter. Accipio drk et lux ...

Η ισχύς είναι τόσο σκοτάδι και το φως και δεν θα ησυχάσουμε μέχρι να το έχω στην καρδιά μου του γκρι.

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Example usage of "":

automatically translated by Google

noun
		potentia	power, force, might, grasp, hold, efficacy
		potestas	power, force, might, grasp, hold, efficacy
		vis	force, power, vis, vigour, vigor, strength
		opes	resources, treasure, means, wealth, substance, power
		ops	power, might
		lacertus	lizard, arm, hand, limb, strength, vigour
		manus	hand, arm, forearm, prowess, vigour, vigor
		pollentia	might, power
		quantitas	greatness, extent, quantity, dimensions, size, volume
		opulentia	opulence, riches, richness, wealth, sumptuousness, might
		opulentitas	opulence, riches, richness, wealth, sumptuousness, might
		ecficacitas	efficacy, efficiency, power, strength
		arbitratio	arbitration, choice, judgement, judgment, jurisdiction, power
		queentia	possibility, opportunity, chance, ability, power, skill
		facultas	facility, feasibility, practicability, power, means, opportune
		dicio	sway, control, dominion, authority, sovereignty, power
		ditio	sway, control, dominion, authority, sovereignty, power
		efficacitas	efficacy, efficiency, power, strength
		auxilium	assistance, aid, help, support, backing, military force
		praesentia	presence, ubication, attendance, strength, force, effect
		regnum	reign, kingdom, kingship, monarchy, dynasty, supremacy
		auctorita	power
		praepotentia	might, power
		sanguis	blood, bloodshed, carnage, massacre, power, might

 

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The Translations...

The world is a scary place. Many people would say I speak the truth while a few would look on nonchalantly. Even though both kinds of people are looking at the world differently, they agree on one small fundamental fact...the world is so fucking scary that sometimes you just want to stay boxed in.

Truth is that's what the world wants you to do. It will beat you down so hard that you will only see it in the way a five year old nerdy kid sees the pompous fat seven year old in the school yard...THE BIG BULLY. You will be so afraid of the world that you will do your best to avoid living in it. How you may ask? It is simple...just avoiding it.

People must realize that to avoid living is to sit down and stop chasing your dreams. Sure you will fail sometimes but that is not the end of the road. As human beings we have that inbuilt self mechanism that keeps telling us, 'it sounded brilliant at the time.' Believe me I know this from fact. In my young writing career I have had so many of those. Sometimes the key is not saying its an utter fail, but saying it was a devastating lesson in what can hold up with the world.

The world is evolving away from the usual. It will continue to evolve and get meaner. THE BULLY that we all see it to be will pale in comparison to THE BULLY your descendants will see. That means in a few years, if you have not become too uncomfortable in the solitude of 'not living' to move on, your true essence as a person will be eroded to the core of the core. It doesn't take much for a bully to work out what he must do to get what he wants.

All he or she has to do is look you straight in the eye and laugh off your attempts at fighting back. But let me tell you, sooner or later, one of those attempts ends with the bully running off to his home; bloody nose and swollen eye in-tow. THE BULLY realizes that you have caught on. The tables will turn and he will have a grudging respect for you after that one moment of stupid courage.

In simple terms, the world does not respect you. there billions of other people out there for it to be bothered by you. You are like the small grain of sand, that is insignificant in a vast beach, to the world. It has no time for you. If you keep feeding it with half baked shit, it will spit it back in your face, shove you and kick you in the arse. Most times, people refuse to get up from that beating, but those are the weak willed with too much fear to react.

Like the Spartans say, 'accept your fear and then and only then can you face it,' so if THE BULLY does that to you, get a move on, get back up, wipe your face and get baking again. Eventually, THE BULLY will let you be. Just ask the dreamers who are living their dreams. Keep chasing your dreams. If it is the one thing you cannot spend a day without doing or thinking about...go on chase it and keep getting up and facing THE BULLY.



A dream is only a word,
the chase, the fight and the desire;
they make the word become more...

One last thing, take the rage I know that we all build up and put it into chasing our dream. It is the only thing we can do to get a hint close to telling THE BULLY 'fuck you. I am going to keep doing what I have to do to live my dream.'
Until the next time lads, lasses and children of men,
I remain who I am,
Samuel S. B. (chasing my dream to the end and staying true to myself)